Bradley Patterson
Hello again. I would first like to wish all of you a happy new year and express my hopes that you had enjoyable holidays. Second, I would like to start up where I left off in the last issue. In the time since I last wrote this column, I have seen the doctor who performed the surgery on my hip. The news I got was very positive, but I left feeling that all things were even. I say this because I was hoping that after nine weeks I would be able to drive. But the doctor did not believe that I was ready just yet. So I was a tad disappointed. Driving, as we all know, means freedom, and freedom means having a life. This is not to say I that I do not have a life ... well, actually, it is. But things are not so bad. I have managed to get out quite a bit in the last few weeks, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. The good news came from the results of the X-rays that were taken that day. It was clear by looking at the film that my hip is healing very well and that the surgery was a success. So I am happy about that, I just have to play the waiting game a little longer. Unless I decide to steal my own car ....
What I really wanted to talk about this month is not just about me, but more about the people around me. When a person gets injured or falls ill, it does not just affect that person; in many cases, it can affect a lot of people. I consider myself blessed to have the support group I have had over the past few years. And I am sincere when I say that you people are a large part of it. I don't know of any person other than myself who has been provided a forum in which to talk about their respective trauma(s) in any manner they feel. The healing process is different in every case, both for the one who is ailing and for his/her family and friends. I know from personal experience that I have caused my parents much anxiety and fear. I have been in a few dire situations in which I could have died. But I have never, in any of those cases, thought about the possibility of death. When I was informed I had cancer and would have to have my brain operated on, I remember saying, "Okay, let's do it." It was not out of naivete or bravado that I said this; I just wanted it over with. My father did not share my optimism when he almost passed out on top of me. And this is what I am talking about. As a patient, I always have seen things differently. But I am not a parent, and I have never looked down at my sick child with the thought that there is nothing I can do. I have had a few moments where I have cried or been in a great deal of pain with people present. As much as they can see the pain in my eyes, I can see the pain in theirs. And it is tough. Those of you who have been there know what it is like. At times like these, I also felt that I could not do anything to heal their pain. It is a double-edged sword and no one wins when these things happen.
Throughout my ordeal I have become somewhat of an actor. Even at times when maybe I wasn't feeling 100 percent, I would tell people that I was doing fine. I have always made an effort to not withhold information like that, but I found that sometimes what people don't know will not, in fact, hurt them. I did not make a habit of this because people can usually see through it. But if I eased even one person's mind then it was worth it to me. And for the record, my pants never caught fire. What it comes down to is that all parties are affected both mentally and emotionally when someone we know gets sick. I have had people become very close to me due to my experiences, and I have also had people gravitate away from me because of them. People deal with these issues in different ways, and I now understand this. I have always maintained that the attention I have received has been and continues to be wonderful. And that no matter how bad things are, I am at least getting attention. I cannot conceive of the unknown number of people who are suffering right now who do not have anyone at all. I often have to remind myself when I am feeling down that there are many people who have a worse life than my own. And getting attention through negative experiences is no way to get attention. In the end, everyone involved walks away with scars in one form or another.
Editor's note: Harbinger readers who would like to contact Brad may do so by e-mail at patter49@pilot.msu.edu or by writing him at 48046 Ben Franklin, Shelby Twp. MI 48315.